The Relationship Graph Worksheet

The Relationship Graph is a tool designed to help you explore and understand your relationship with someone who is no longer in your life due to loss or separation. By mapping significant memories and undelivered communication, this exercise encourages awareness of unresolved emotions, including unspoken thoughts, feelings, and expectations. Approach this exercise with honesty and self-compassion, aiming for an authentic, balanced view of the relationship—one that includes both positive and negative aspects.

Instructions

Prepare Your Paper. Take a blank sheet of paper and lay it horizontally. Draw a horizontal line across the middle of the page. This line will serve as the timeline for your relationship.

Label the Graph Sections. Write “Positive Memories” above the horizontal line and “Negative Memories” below the line. This will help you organize the memories you plot according to whether they were positive or negative.

Select a Relationship to Explore. Choose a relationship with someone who is no longer part of your life. This could be someone who has passed away, a relationship that ended, or even a loss that isn’t directly related to a person (e.g., a lost job or lifestyle change). For your first attempt, focusing on a person may make this process more accessible. When mapping your relationship, try to avoid idealizing or overly criticizing. Aim for a realistic portrayal that includes both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship.

Mark Key Points on the Timeline.

• Dawn of Conscious Memory: Place a dot at the far left end of the line to represent your earliest memory with this person.

• Death or Separation: Place a dot where the loss or separation occurred.

• Current Date: Place a dot at the far right end of the line to represent the present.

Plot Significant Memories. Think of at least 10 significant memories or milestones in the relationship. These could include major events, turning points, or smaller moments that were meaningful. Place each memory along the timeline, positioning it above the line if the memory is positive and below the line if it’s negative. Try to be specific and reflect on the emotional weight of each memory.

Share with a Partner. If you’re comfortable, share your Relationship Graph with a trusted partner or group. Sharing your insights and hearing others’ reflections can help bring additional clarity and support in processing the complexities of the relationship.

Example

Conclusion

The Relationship Graph is a valuable tool for reflecting on the relationships that have shaped your life, especially those marked by loss or separation. By mapping both the positive and negative aspects, you can gain a more balanced and compassionate understanding of the relationship. This exercise not only helps to identify unresolved feelings but also allows you to honor the relationship as a meaningful part of your personal history.